Sunday, March 04, 2012

Is Hooking Up OK if Your School Is Far From Home?

I read a paper on premarital sex that offered a reason and reasoning about hooking up vs. seeking a serious relationship that I had not heard before.

In one case, a young man was going to school out of state.  He reasoned that he was not going to settle near the school, so any relationship he started there could only be temporary.  Thus, he justified hooking up - often and exclusively.

In another case, a young man went to a school near home.  The author, who knew both men, thought this was because the second fellow was looking for a wife who would settle with him in his hometown.

I have never run across this line of reasoning.  If I had only heard the first case, I would have thought it was a creative but particularly bogus way for a man to justify promiscuity.  But hearing the second case - and the author taking both kinds of reasoning as normal - makes me think I am meeting a subculture I have not met before.

My first guess is that these are working-class guys who always expected to settle near family, and find a job and wife in the area. They went to college because they were good athletes, not primarily for an education that would transform them as people.

Any thoughts on this matter?

7 comments:

The Errant Viewer said...

Are you saying there are no working class guys at Centre?

gruntled said...

There are working class guys at Centre. However, I am not privy to the inner reasoning even of all of Centre's subcultures, much less those of other schools. And that goes double for reasoning about sexual practices.

The Errant Viewer said...

Fair enough. How would you define working class? My parents have used that term to define our family, but I don't know that I would consider us working class - more upper middle class.

gruntled said...

The line between the top of the working class and the bottom of the service class overlaps. Nonetheless, if a family is not college educated and engages in manual or low-level service jobs, they are probably working class.

The Skirted Wordsmith said...

Though I'm all for promiscuity, this guy's reasoning sounds bogus! Who's to say that the girl he's hooking up with is going to limit herself to staying in one place, either? I mean, is he assuming that the girl comes with the location?

Diane M said...

The reasoning sounds pretty fishy to me. How many people settle down and get a job near their college? College towns are great, but they don't always have a lot of job openings. When you're in college, you're going to meet people who aren't settled down yet and may be willing to figure out a way to live where you do. I'd guess the guy doesn't want to settle down yet and is using this as an excuse for any hurt feelings he causes.

gruntled said...

I mostly agree, Diane. Still, it is common in the non-college class to plan to settle near family. Some people with that worldview nonetheless get lured into going to college (especially by sports recruiting). They change their schooling trajectory, but not their life plan. And they may not even know that most people in the college class do not expect to settle near the college or near home.