Gigi Levangie Grazer is an expert on divorce, the hard way. The twice-divorced author of The Starter Wife and the screenplay of Stepmom has a fine piece of hard-won wisdom in the Huffington Post. I can't write with this kind of authority.
My favorite nugget is this:
When you do go out with someone (after the kids go to bed), you size them up not only against your standards, but the standards of your children. You're not the only one going out on that date -- your seven-year-old is right there with you, with his toothy grin. Your fourteen-year-old is scowling in the background. Your stoic ten-year-old has tears welling up in his eyes.
Frankly, other than superficial dating far away from your kids' eyes and ears, E.S.P. might be the only thing that makes sense for the single parent.
5 comments:
I'm a 32 year old unmarried (never married) man with no kids who does date. I have spent a huge amount of effort building a life I enjoy and that makes me happy. In the process, I have made many very, very good friends who know me well, whose company I enjoy, and who care for me deeply.
I find that as early as a second date with a prospective partner, I'm thinking, "Is this someone that my friends will enjoy being with? Is it someone that I will gladly invite along to spend time with those people? Is it someone that my friends will actively seek to spend time with?"
Oddly (or perhaps not), I find the answers to these questions to be among the most useful filter early in the dating process - this is much more effective than "Was the food good?" or "Did we laugh alot?" or "Do we pass some stupid personality test?"
I think that "is this someone that my friends would enjoy being with?" is a personality test.
Single parent should not date until their children are grown. It is too confusing for the children who have to become attached and then unattached from their parents lovers. Not to mention child predators who may gain access to our little ones. We owe it to our children.
"Single parent should not date until their children are grown. It is too confusing for the children who have to become attached and then unattached from their parents lovers. Not to mention child predators who may gain access to our little ones. We owe it to our children."
hmm...I really find it offensive to make a gross over-generalization like this. I feel as though it is to say that all single parents are too irresponsible to make good decisions for their children...as though a person who has made one bad decision (having a child out of wedlock, getting a divorce etc.) is therefore incapable of making any good decision like entering the dating world with caution and skeptecism when it comes to potential parental figures.
I would say that perhaps casual dating isn't a good idea for either parent...as this could have a negative effect on the child(ren) involved...but it's totally unfair to say that because "it didn't work out" that I'm unable to proceed into a new relationship with the ultimate intentions of marriage because I really messed up in the past.
I think that it's worse for a child to grow up in a typical single-parent environment..where mom's physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially DRAINED than it is to go out and find a suitable person to enter into a relationship that provides stability and support for all involved. Not everyone who had children the "wrong way" are slutty idiots constantly bringing pedophiles around.
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