A heroic colleague has been Resident Assistant for the soccer camp on campus this week. Wrangling a pack of young teen boys puts him on the front lines of civilization. Each morning has brought new first-hand accounts of primatology. I thought his hilarious account of finding them stripped to their boxers, which they had rolled into thongs, sumo wrestling, would be the best story. I was wrong.
On the last night of camp, the two boys who had been waiting at the curb for the pizza came thundering into the dorm to call all the other guys. Girls! In a car! And one of them FLASHED HER BOOBS!
Instantly, pizza forgotten, the whole horde raced to the street. The girls were gone, but the boys lined the curb, standing on tiptoe, peering up the street, in case the sirens returned. And they did.
The car drifted along the curb. On girl held her hand out, calling to the boys to come and touch her. The line of boys turned into a swarm, each eager for the proffered hand. Each time the boy-mass approached, the driver would scoot the car a little further down the street, teasingly. The swarm followed. This went on for half a block, then the car drove away. A couple of the boys ran after it, until reigned in by the RA.
Did they go inside and laugh about it? Did they turn to the pizza? Did they settle down to discuss Shakespeare? All equally unlikely scenarios.
No, they waited at the curb in case the girls came back. One of those who had been closest to the car noted that it reeked of alcohol. Excitement rose. The RA realized that he had no control over the primal horde. In fact, their brains seemed to be secreting a hormone that blocked out the sound of his voice.
The girls came back a third time. This time they stopped, and one of them started to get out of the car. My colleague realized that the time for intervention had come, before he had a hormone riot on his hands. He firmly suggested to the young ladies that they should move on; the police would be happy to assist them in that resolve, should that be necessary. In one fluid motion, the lead temptress eased back into the car while it sped off.
He sent the boys back to wrestling. And cold showers.