Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Of Course Monogamy is Realistic - It is What Most Married People Have Done Through Human History

The perennial hope of the self-indulgent, especially, rich, self-indulgent men, that some moral authority will let them have all the benefits of marriage while fooling around is being fed by "science" again. But monogamy, the human norm through all times and places, is not about to fade away. Monogamy is not "unrealistic"; it is just a challenge.

6 comments:

samoabob said...

Given how some of the folks in the article describe marriage, it's no wonder they don't believe in it (at least a life-long, monogamous one). "We found the expectation that one person should be our everything seemed unrealistic..." That guy has seen too many chick flicks. I would never burden my wife that kind of expectation. While she is a necessary part of my life, we both have friends, family, interests, activities that enrich us in ways that a spouse can't (and maybe shouldn't).

And then there's, "It's realistic that some people can mate for life in the same sense that some people can play the Beethoven violin concerto or other people can ice-skate beautifully or learn a new language," said psychiatrist Judith Eve Lipton. Where to start...Mating for life requires only the decision to do it, then repeatedly, constantly, unswervingly doing what is needed to make good on that decision. Granted, that can be tough to do, but at its root, it is simply an act of the will. No special, innate ability is needed. Running a 4-minute mile, on the other hand - well, that will never happen for this 50 yr old with wobbly knees no matter how much I will it.

Gruntled said...

Amen. I don't understand how professionals who get quoted in newspapers came to regard two people deciding to stay married is "magic" while their deciding to go to work every day is just normal.

Katie said...

" 'It's realistic that some people can mate for life in the same sense that some people can play the Beethoven violin concerto or other people can ice-skate beautifully or learn a new language,' said psychiatrist Judith Eve Lipton."

This calls to mind Malcolm Gladwell's book Outliers. All it takes to be excellent at something (an instrument, a language, etc...), according to Gladwell, is 10,000 hours of practice.

It seems that very few people understand that an excellent marriage is just like any other skill--it takes hard work to perfect it and you have to keep trying if you want to succeed.

Bob said...

Monogamy and conversation is the price men pay for a good marriage and good sex.

Gruntled said...

I conversation a price or a benefit?

Bob said...

It depends doesn't it.