Judith Wallerstein, the famous researcher on the effects of divorce on children, marveled that in the whole "no-fault" divorce debate in the '70s, the only issue was whether it would make the exes happier – no thought was given to the kids. The effect on the kids, in case this is still a mystery, is gut-wrenching, scarring, and long-lasting.
Now the fashion has turned to married fathers who decide that they are really gay, and therefore have to leave their wives. The New York Times article, "When the Beard is Too Painful to Remove," cites the estimate of UCLA's Gary Gates that between 1 and 2 percent of married men, or formerly married men, are gay or bisexual. The article portrayed some men as trying to have a gay life while remaining married, but most of the subjects seemed to be heading toward divorce. To be gay and still married was thought to be living in denial.
A number of the men in the article were fathers. Yet not a word, by the men, their wives, the researchers, or the reporters, was spent on the effect on the kids of dad going off to be gay. To the kids, though, their father's deepest identity is as "dad."