tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16201378.post3209926795450453089..comments2023-12-28T18:17:11.191-05:00Comments on Gruntled Center: Smart Men Marry Smart Women 4: The Baby Elephant in the RoomGruntledhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14377809238377382438noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16201378.post-47775779186078579352007-02-17T01:33:00.000-05:002007-02-17T01:33:00.000-05:00Great post! As a coach for women, I have a hard ti...Great post! As a coach for women, I have a hard time sometimes convincing women they can have it all, but not all at once, and as a babyboomer who grew up with the superwoman role model, women today have greater support for a combination of choices.Men/father help out more, and better childcare, flexible working hours makes for happier mothers and children, in a perfect world! ha...<BR/><BR/>all the best<BR/>Jenn<BR/>www.midlifeadventure.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16201378.post-86937342646274793512007-02-16T09:19:00.000-05:002007-02-16T09:19:00.000-05:00Gruntled wrote: "Yes, you would be further in your...Gruntled wrote: "Yes, you would be further in your career without kids - but would you trade?"<BR/><BR/>I know this question was not directed at me, but my answer is certainly NO. It does suck that women have to make these choices. I've had church interview committees ask questions like "What childcare options do you have while you serve at our church?" I'm almost positive that male candidates are not asked these kinds of questions, or least much less often.Alexhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10354677555829675296noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16201378.post-23809186114118786112007-02-16T06:50:00.000-05:002007-02-16T06:50:00.000-05:00You are right that men don't face the same choices...You are right that men don't face the same choices that women do. I think that, at bottom, that is a true biological difference -- not just that women do the actual bearing of children, but that the hormonal ties between newborn and nursing mother are stronger and more consuming than father-child bonds. That phase does not last forever, or even very long in a long life, but it does take all the time that it takes. Yes, you would be further in your career without kids - but would you trade? And your friends may be further in their careers now, but if they get to 50 without kids, will they want to trade their lives with you?Gruntledhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14377809238377382438noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16201378.post-39312724709184842142007-02-16T04:26:00.000-05:002007-02-16T04:26:00.000-05:00There are a couple of other issues here, one of wh...There are a couple of other issues here, one of which is that high-achieving men don't have to make that kind of choice. They can have a great career, marriage and kids all at once. <BR/><BR/>Secondly, there is a stigma attached to women who set out to be high-achieving, but had kids early. I had my daughters at 24 and 26. I was the only person from my Centre class I knew who had kids when they were born. I was in graduate school when my first daughter was born and felt very, very isolated. My college friends were totally shocked and, I felt, disappointed. <BR/><BR/>In theory, I'm glad I had my kids when I was younger. They take alot of time and effort that I can't imagine having at 40 - and I'm glad, at almost 29, that the pregnancy/tiny infant stage of my life is over. On the other hand, I worry that I won't have the career I might have had if I hadn't had to shift priorities from work to family so early.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16201378.post-22625604080140673422007-02-15T14:23:00.000-05:002007-02-15T14:23:00.000-05:00Amen. Mrs. G. and I started having kids when we w...Amen. Mrs. G. and I started having kids when we were 28, with much less theory than we have now. When I went back to my 20th college reunion with teenagers, and were talking to 40-somethings with newborns, I felt blessed.Gruntledhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14377809238377382438noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16201378.post-21274214156081601282007-02-15T14:09:00.000-05:002007-02-15T14:09:00.000-05:00Great post. As a "high-achieving woman" (I guess,...Great post. As a "high-achieving woman" (I guess, according to the criteria in your posts) who will be 30 this summer, married to a man who is 32, it was crucial to us that we become parents early. I am 25 years older than my son and 27 years older than my daughter. I think that many high-achieving couples have the mindset of, "Oh, in a few years we will be ready for kids." Well, "ready" never arrives and then they are 45-50 with no kids. I am thrilled that we are young parents.Alexhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10354677555829675296noreply@blogger.com